Postpartum Progress

How Serving Her Baby, & Eventually Herself, Saved This Mom's Life

Today I attended a wedding ceremony for two very good friends, and the man who was performing the ceremony talked about how to have a successful marriage. Something he said stuck with me: “All you need to do is love your spouse just a little bit more than you love yourself.” As with almost everything, I applied this to my life with postpartum depression. And I came to a conclusion I’ve actually come to many times before but have never really articulated.

When my first son was born, I was consumed with emotion, mostly good. He was a beautiful baby, perfect in every way. I loved him, and life was just as I’d always expected it to be when I became a mother. We took walks in the park, I cuddled him for hours while he slept peacefully, and I sang softly to him as I bathed him each night before bed. 

I busied myself with the details of motherhood as I’d seen it portrayed in the media and by all the mothers I’d ever known who all seemed to have it so together. I cleaned and cooked, bought cute outfits with matching shoes, breastfed even though I didn’t particularly enjoy it, and arranged playdate after playdate after playdate. I was happy in the only way I knew how to be, and I thought that’s all there was. 

When I started to have alarming thoughts and the hopelessness crept in, I didn’t take heed for months. I kept my head above water by floating on a lifesaver: my son. I was so involved in his life, so intent on providing for his every need, that I couldn’t begin to make time for my own feelings. I’m confident it was this devotion to my baby that saved my life. Because I was almost solely responsible for his care (my husband was in grad school at the time and often gone twelve hours of the day), I wasn’t able to retreat into myself and wallow, even though that was exactly what I wanted to do. 

I truly believe serving my son gave me the strength to make it through an incredibly dark time in my life. And I mean “serve” in the sense of providing for him and giving him life, not being his servant. Although in some ways, motherhood is a little bit about submitting yourself to the will of another. In my childless past, I would have scoffed at the thought of relinquishing many of my choices to an eight-pound meatloaf. I’ve since made peace with the idea, though.

It may be an archaic notion, that putting yourself last can be exactly what you need to finally put yourself first. But like that man said today at my friends’ wedding, I loved my son just a little bit (actually, a lot) more than myself, and it was only that love that helped me through. 

Full-blown PPD finally did come calling when my son was around eight months old; I don’t think it’s any coincidence that this was also the time when he started to wean himself off breastmilk, was becoming more mobile, and he didn’t need as much round-the-clock care. I had more time to myself and was able to really assess my own emotions, and what I saw wasn’t good. I loved him oh so much, but I was unfulfilled and struggling to reconcile the image of who I used to be with the woman I had become. I realized that I wasn’t doing anyone a service by spending all my time thinking about my baby. 

I had to find a way to achieve balance between my needs as a woman and his needs as my child, and that period of discovery was a long process aided by therapy and medication. What I found was this: Loving him “a little bit more” was what made me want to stay around even in the face of great hardship, but loving myself enough was what gave me the strength, perspective, and wisdom to be the best mother I could be, the mother he deserves.

This journey of self-realization has been arduous and is ongoing, but it all came about because of my son--it was love and concern for him that ultimately forced me into the doctor’s office. When I went to my first appointment with a therapist after I was diagnosed with PPD, she asked if I’d ever thought of killing myself. I said, “Well, the other day, I sat at the kitchen table staring at my knives and wondered if it’d hurt to open a vein in my wrist. But I’d never be able to do it.”

When she asked me why, I said, “My son. I love him too much to leave him.” And as soon as the words left my mouth, I knew they were the honest truth. Even though the birth of my son had brought with it intense affliction, guilt, and resentment, the very same event had tethered me so firmly to the earth that I knew I’d never leave without a fight. 

So I fought, and I keep on fighting. 

Alexis Lesa

Words Have Power: How Being Supportive Can Transform A Life

Words have so much power.  It blows my mind, really. 

Say something negative or minimizing to a pregnant or new mother struggling with depression or anxiety and you can plunge her so much deeper into despair.  Tell her that you understand and that you know she can get through it, on the other hand, and you raise her up and help her see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Just look at the transformation of Iman, who blogs at Glamour Girl and is suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety:

I'm TOTALLY going to talk now. Because there are some amazing women out there TALKING about it, naming the illness and walking their talk. They give me the strength to find my voice again. In the past few days I had two wonderful women tell me that I'm not alone. They've shared a bit of what they've gone through. Since speaking with them the war in my mind against myself has quieted. I feel less damaged, more whole. I can't believe how much power their words have had. With lots of thought and consideration of the many silent mothers out there, I've decided to share how I'm feeling in the thick of it, the highs of hearing my boy laugh for the first time, and the lows of overwhelming sadness.

Wow.  Thank you Iman, for your bravery in speaking out about what you are going through.  You are paying it forward, and there is no doubt that your own words will help transform someone else's life.

Need Someone To Talk To?

Just a reminder that Postpartum Progress has a Facebook Fan Page where you can write on the Wall and talk to the other 600+ Warrior Moms who are there.  Check it out!

Upcoming Event to Raise Funds for Postpartum Education & Support in Research Triangle Area

Postpartum Education and Support, a great organization in North Carolina, will host Strollerthon 2010 on Saturday, October 2nd, to raise money for it's signature program Moms Supporting Moms.  This program offers weekly support groups and a telephone support line to women in the Research Triangle Area who are struggling with emotional issues around pregnancy, delivery and early motherhood. 

Frances Scott of ABC11 News will host the event, which will be held at Fred G. Bond Metro Park in Cary, NC.

Strollerthon 2010 features 1 mile, 2 mile and 3-mile walk courses with games for kids, prizes, entertainment and refreshments.  Strollers are welcome but not required.  Registration begins at 9:30am and costs $25 for adults (or $18 per adult for a team of 10 or more), $10 for children 9-14 and is free for kids under 8.  Registration forms are available on the PES website.  For more information, call 919-219-0499, email events@pesnc.org, or visit the PES website.

If you are unable to attend Strollerthon 2010, please consider making a donation to support the work of PES in the Triangle. Donations can be made at www.pesnc.org.

PPD Medications & Their Impact On Your Libido (The S-E-X Talk)

Have you ever read the warning label on a bottle of Tylenol? It warns that a common side effect of acetaminophen, the active ingredient in Tylenol, may cause headaches. The first time I read this, I was popping open a bottle of the alleged pain killer to combat a monster...headache. The irony would have amused me if I hadn’t been so irritated.

A little talked-about symptom of depression is a decrease in sexual appetite. Some people might discount this as among the least of their worries, but in truth, sex is an essential cog in the machine of any relationship. When the sex goes, it’s not long before other things start to go too--or at least that’s how it’s been in my marriage. 

When I was in the clutches of the darkest period of my postpartum depression, I could barely gather the energy for basic personal hygiene, let alone to be intimate with my husband. The lack of intimacy greatly impacted our relationship, but to be honest I was so lost in a haze of self-pity that I didn’t really notice. I’m sure my husband did, though.

When I finally got diagnosed with PPD and started on medication, most of my symptoms abated. I was able to shower every day, talk to my son and husband without completely losing my mind, and I only cried when something was sad. But the meds didn’t bring the sexy back, unfortunately. And now that I wasn’t spending all my hours thinking about how miserable I was, I could actually recognize the lack of a crucial part of my life.

The first medication I was put on made me sleepy, so I went back to my doctor for a different prescription. The second one seemed to be better, but a few weeks after starting it, I realized that I had no libido. And it wasn’t just a lessening of my sexual appetite; I’m talking my sex drive packed up and moved to Italy. The numbness in the place where I used to feel butterflies was so consuming that I went back to my doctor.

My doctor was completely unruffled when I told her that I wanted a new prescription because I wasn’t getting any. In fact, her exact words were, “You’d be surprised how often this happens. People will put up with almost anything: constipation, hot flashes, weight gain, even paranoid delusions. But mess with their sex lives, and they come running in here like their house is on fire.” 

Just like the Tylenol bottle, the long list of side effects for many antidepressants makes for a couple of “WTF?” moments. One of the possible side effects, for example, is “changes in sexual desire or ability.” Out of the frying pan and into the fire with that one.

I had no idea that this was a possibility when I started taking my medication, and for this I fault myself. I have become much more vigilant about reading the warnings on my antidepressants--and all medications, for that matter--and for the record, change in sexual desire is not normal when taking antidepressants. It may be common, but it’s not normal; the warning label says to see a doctor immediately if you notice a change in your libido.

So to summarize: 1) sex is important 2) read the warning label on your medications very thoroughly, and 3) talk to your doctor right away when you notice that things aren’t quite as you’d like them to be. Medicating depression and other mood disorders is not an exact science, it’s more of a trial and error kind of thing. There’s a good chance you’ll go through different medications and dosages before you find the perfect prescription for you. Although it might seem like you just can’t catch a break and nothing will ever work properly, if medication is the treatment you choose, you owe it to yourself to give it a real chance.

Alexis Lesa

How Recovery From Postpartum Depression Is Like Playing Chutes & Ladders

Have you ever played the children's board game Chutes & Ladders?

As players move through the game, they advance along the board, sometimes skipping ahead several spaces by landing on a ladder and sometimes falling behind several spaces by landing on a chute. 

I like to describe recovery from postpartum depression and anxiety as being like a game of Chutes & Ladders.  For a while you'll be moving along nicely, maybe even having such a great day that you feel you've shot forward to the end.  You've reached out for treatment, you've been doing what you're supposed to do and you are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Then, for whatever reason, you fall back into a hole of despair.  A bad day, or a string of bad days, hits and you become convinced that you'll never get better. 

Setbacks are a completely normal part of recovery from PPD, PPOCD and PPA.  I can't tell you how many women I hear from who are worried about them and want to find out if other women experience them.  The answer is a resounding yes.  I can't tell you that I know exactly why they happen, because I'm still not very clear on how the brain works, but I do know they happen all the time.  I also know that they don't last and that you should never give up.

If you just keep going, despite temporary obstacles, you'll realize the same thing that pre-school players of Chutes & Ladders learn:  No matter what happens, the players always make it to the end of the game.

1 in 8: There's NO Excuse

 

1 in 8 American women will be diagnosed with breast cancer.

1 in 8 Americans struggle with hunger each year.

1 in 8 babies are born prematurely in the United States each year.

 

1 in 8 American women (at minimum) will have postpartum depression.

I hope someday we can get the same funding and support as the important and effective public awareness campaigns I link to above, because prolonging a mother's suffering can lead to a lifetime of health problems for both her and her baby. 

There's NO EXCUSE that in this day and age there are still countless women who don't know what's wrong with them, or don't know where to get help or are afraid to get help.  Do you hear me OB-GYNs?  Do you hear me pediatricians?  Do you hear me HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius?  Do you hear me corporations who care about mothers?

There's NO EXCUSE.

Suffering PPD & Worrying Whether Your Child Will Love You? Read This.

You will get better, and your child will love you.

I've shared my own stories to prove that.  Happy moments that I thought would never come to pass because I had gone through PPOCD and was sure that my life was ruined forever. 

It wasn't.  And yours isn't either. 

Here's a story from another mom -- Katie at Sluiter Nation -- who has experienced that moment where she realizes that she is a good mom, and she's going to make it, and her baby loves her, despite the fact that she had postpartum depression. 

I love this story.  So happy for you, Katie.

Nominations Open: Top 10 Perinatal Depression/Anxiety Writers of 2010

Last year I kicked off the first annual Postpartum Progress Top 10 Writers on Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders.  I plan to publish this list annually each December, featuring the top 10 posts/articles written on postpartum depression and related illnesses from around the web.  Last year I scoured the web myself to find what I felt were the best stories.  This year I'd like to invite you to submit them too.  Sooooo, if you have written or seen an article or blog post that you think qualifies as AWESOME POSSUM, then please email me the link at stonecallis@msn.com. 

Entries must have been written/published in 2010.  My criteria?  I look for beautiful writing, compelling stories, creative metaphors, honesty, authenticity, original voice and/or destigmatization.  They can be about any mental illness related to pregnancy and childbirth.  Nominations will close on November 15th.

I love publishing this list as a way of thanking people for their courage, sharing inspiration with those who suffer, and honoring those who are speaking out against stigma.  So get nominating!

Oh, and I'm working on some badge bling for the top 10.  That's about as much of a prize as I can afford. ;-)

Antenatal Depression: Robbed Of the Joy of Pregnancy

When my first son was a little over fifteen months old, my husband and I decided to try for another baby. I was terrified; I had just come through a bout of severe PPD, and I was finally feeling good mentally. Others might have questioned my reasoning in choosing to have another child, but we just knew it was the right thing for our family. I can’t fully explain what propelled me to make that decision, but whatever it was, I’m thankful for it today. My second son brought astounding light into so much darkness, and I could never regret choosing him, even when the choice brought me a great deal of pain.

After doing a lot of research on the possible effects of using antidepressants during pregnancy and consulting with my doctor, I decided to wean myself off the antidepressants I was on, knowing full well there was a chance the depression would return once I was unmedicated.         

My first pregnancy had been as good as I could have asked for. Although I did have a miscarriage scare early on and was extremely tired during my last trimester, I don’t feel as though I had a lot to complain about. My second trimester was especially good, as I had huge amounts of energy, wasn’t feeling the morning sickness of the first trimester, and didn’t yet have to deal with the fatigue and discomfort of the third trimester. I naively expected things to be at least sort of similar in my second pregnancy.

The first trimester my second time around was as I had expected. I was nauseated all day, but was able to function. I still took my son on playdates and gave him all the love and attention he needed, and I felt all right mentally. I was more tired than I remembered being during my first pregnancy, but I attributed it to the fact that I was a mother this time around. I kept waiting for my first trimester to be over so I’d stop feeling sick and start experiencing the euphoric energy I’d felt the first time.         

That energy never came; I only became more and more fatigued as the pregnancy progressed. I started to develop insomnia so bad that I’d only sleep two or three hours a night. The lack of sleep started to get to me; my moods fluctuated wildly, and I had to quit my part-time editing job due to complete apathy towards the work.

Eventually, the exhaustion became so marked I was nearly unable to rouse myself during the day. I’d wake up and feed my son breakfast, then lie down at the foot of my bed and drift in and out of sleep. He would drag his toys into the hallway in front of my room so he could see me as he played. I felt like an utter failure when I would start awake and see my beautiful baby sitting alone in the hallway, chirping happily to his toys.

The last three or four months of my pregnancy were decidedly awful. I felt so disconnected from my life, completely unmoored from reality. I existed solely in my own head, telling myself over and over that I’d been insane to think I could handle being the mother of two children. I felt little attachment to the life growing within me, and I looked to his due date with trepidation.

When he was born, it took me hours to process the fact that I was his mother. I went through the motions of oohing and aahing and nursing him, but I wasn’t really present. I would fall asleep in my hospital bed and wake up bewildered, forgetting for a moment why I was there and what had just happened.

Gradually, I came to love my son so intensely the love scared me with its ferocity. I didn’t come by that love easily, and for that reason I cherish him dearly. I’m still sometimes saddened by the fact that depression stole much of my pregnancy from me, but I cling to the happy ending, my incredible son.

I haven’t spoken much about this to anyone because antepartum depression is still such an unmentionable affliction, at least in our society. A woman is supposed to be joyous and glowing when she’s pregnant; if she’s not, she may feel as though the very thing that makes her a woman is broken. Rationally, I knew I was depressed and that if I could just hold on until the end of my pregnancy, everything would be OK. Emotionally, though, I felt hopeless.

I don’t feel any shame talking about this, because I know who I am and what I am capable of--I know my ideal pregnancy was taken from me by force by depression. I’ve chosen not to write about it up until now because I know it can make other people uncomfortable. It’s a difficult thing to explain, and probably even more difficult to understand.

I write for the woman who does understand, who knows what it is to have her brain taken over by a silent intruder, who cowers in the dark recesses of her own mind, trying to escape the overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and doubt. To that woman I say, come out. There is no shame in what you are hiding from.

For more information on antepartum depression, feel free to start by checking out Postpartum Progress’ previous posts on depression during pregnancy.

Alexis Lesa

Note from Katherine:  I'm never sure whether to call it depression during pregnancy, antenatal depression or antepartum depression, but I am sure of one thing: it's very common.  Thank you Alexis for sharing this, because there are so many women out there who need to see they are not alone.

MGH Looks At Massage Therapy for Depression

Click on over to the MGH Center for Women's Mental Health, which takes a look this week at the effectiveness of massage therapy for depression.

On Postpartum Depression & Hurting The Ones You Love

A few months back I read an article in a blog, the name of which is unfortunately escaping me at the moment. It was by a man who works with depressed women and also lived with one when his wife had PPD. He was offering advice to people living with those suffering from depression, trying to educate them about how best to help and support their loved ones.

In his opening paragraph, he said that he knew living with a depressed person could be nigh unto “unbearable.” My first reaction was, Ouch, that was harsh. But as I thought about it over the next few days, I realized that this man was probably understating the matter a great deal. After all, even I can barely stand to live with myself when I am depressed, so I can only imagine how difficult things must be for my husband, Sei. He doesn’t have the advantage of knowing what’s going on in my head, so he probably feels even more clueless and helpless than I do.

Last week, Sei and I had a small disagreement about some household-related thing. Looking back, I can see the comment he made was completely innocuous. But in my depression-addled brain, I took it to be a criticism of my wifely/motherly abilities, and my first reaction was to go on the offensive. Thankfully, he didn’t allow the argument to escalate; he left for work, and emailed me from there, apologizing for whatever he’d said that upset me. He said something else that really struck me, though. He said it’s been very difficult for him over the past few months (probably much longer, if he were being completely truthful), because he feels he can’t speak to me about anything openly.

If there’s anything he sees as an issue that needs to be resolved in our marriage, it never gets talked about because I always feel like he’s attacking me, and then I turn it around on him. Our disagreements usually end up becoming a discussion about all his faults and how he’s never going to be able to understand what I’m going through. These are all my words, not his, by the way.

It’s true; Sei will never be able to understand what I’m going through, and I don’t want him to be able to. But I can understand what he’s going through. I’ve lived with a depressed person before, so I know how it is to want so desperately to help someone who is unwilling to or incapable of receiving that help. To ask everyday, “What’s wrong?”, only to be told once and again, “I have no idea.”

Living with PPD and other perinatal mood and anxiety disorders is difficult, to say the least. It is lonely, sometimes sad, and exhausting. Sometimes it feels like life will never be good again (which is categorically untrue). But there is an element to living with the disorder that I feel is underdiscussed, and that is how much we should allow our own suffering to become the suffering of others. 

First, let me say that I am not suggesting anyone with a PMAD be silent. Not at all. I speak about my symptoms all the time, and I think it helps my husband to have a clear picture of where I am coming from. However, one of the hallmarks of my depression (and that of many other women, from what I read) is self-centeredness. During my unmedicated episodes, all I can think about is my own suffering. I can barely pull my head out of the sand long enough to consider the fact that Sei is probably hurting, too.

So my question for myself over the past couple days has been, “Where do I draw the line? When do I have to put my own pain aside and make time to care for the needs of my family?”

The answer to this is complicated: Paying attention to others when the very nature of your illness causes you to withdraw is easier said than done. But when I explain the need for antidepressants to others, I often draw a parallel to medication for diabetes, and I suppose that the analogy should apply here as well. Meaning, living with diabetes is also difficult, just like with my PPD. However, I wouldn’t give a person with diabetes a free pass to forget the commitments she has made to other people in her life just because she happens to have diabetes.

I’ve made a commitment to be there for my family, and living with PPD makes that extraordinarily difficult. But I’m tired of letting myself off the hook by saying something along the lines of, “Well, the PPD made me do it.” Even if that is the case, it doesn’t change the end result: I often hurt the ones I love because of my PPD-influenced words and actions (or lack of action, as the case may be).

I don’t think I can truly leave PPD behind until I acknowledge the fact that even though I may not totally be myself, I’m still responsible for my actions. This responsibility to self and family is a kind of freedom I didn’t know I could miss, but I took it for granted in the past. I’m ready to take that freedom back now.

Alexis Lesa

Postpartum Depression Resources for Different Religious Faiths

Last week over at O My Family, Allison took on the topic of religion and postpartum depression.  As an evangelical Christian, she has not been helped by those who would have her believe that her PPD is simply a moral failing:

"Often when (if indirectly) criticizing or minimizing the validity of the use of anti-depressants for the treatment of depression, statements such as 'Find your healing in Christ', 'Medicine only masks the problem,' or 'Only Christ can restore your joy' are made. Depending on their context, these statements are potentially harmful (and well, the 2nd one is always harmful because it’s not true). Spoken to a friend who needs help seeing through the darkness of depression and then followed up by a sincere offer to help her find the resources she needs, they are good; Christ is the healer, He is the source of all true joy. However, it breaks my heart to have read these statements verbatim on a Christian mother’s blog series on depression no less than a few months ago. When left out there in the cyber universe as blanket statements, they feel like condemnation to the depression sufferer who is feeling helpless. They leave him or her without an actual, tangible step to take toward healing.

They make a 23-year-old new mother in Minnesota sit for months on end in a very dark place because she knows she needs to find her joy in Christ but she doesn’t know how and trying harder isn’t working."

Allison isn't the only one.  Psych Central did a story back in 2008 on research that found that more than 32 percent of Christians who went to their church to get help for a mental illness were told they simply had a spiritual problem, even though these were people who had been clinically diagnosed.  While that study focused on Christians, I imagine this experience may be true for women who suffer PPD no matter the religion.  Among those who believe, there will always be people who think a woman with postpartum depression is simply not centered enough in her religion or close enough to God or Allah.  That makes me sad.  As I wrote in a past piece on God and PPD:

"I know that PPD is NOT a spiritual failing.  Does anyone really imagine that if Jesus were here sitting across the table from us he would say "It's your own fault for not praying hard enough"?  In my mind, I felt the God I believe in put His arms around me and tell me it would be OK, that I needed to believe I would get better, and that my recovery could include spiritual counseling and/or therapy and/or medication.  Whatever it took to get better and be the kind of mom He wanted me to be. I think that whatever higher power you believe in would do the same." 

For those of you to whom faith matters, I thought it would be helpful to share pertinent resources.  I am aware of a few positive resources from various faiths on postpartum depression - ones that recognize PPD and related illnesses as real and that accept that medical help may be necessary.  If you know of resources for other faiths, PLEASE let me know so I can also list them here.

Christianity

Living Beyond Postpartum Depression: Help & Hope for the Hurting Mom & Those Around Her by Jerusha Clark

The Lifter of My Head: How God Sustained Me During Postpartum Depression by Sue McRoberts

Mental Health Ministries

Out of the Valley Ministries Christian PPD Support

Judaism

Sparks Center, NY: Article from Rabbi Abrham Twerski MD, Torah scholar and psychiatrist (pg. 2)

Delivery From Darkness: A Jewish Guide to Prevention & Treatment of Postpartum Depression by Baruch Finkelstein

Nitza: The Israel Center for Maternal Health (their website doesn't seem to be working at the moment)

Mormonism

LDS.org: Managing Postpartum Depression

Behind the Smile: My Journey Out of Postpartum Depression by Marie Osmond (not sure how much this book focuses on her faith, but I thought I'd list it here)

 

Eli Lilly Accepting Nominations for Welcome Back Awards

The Welcome Back Awards is an annual program established by Eli Lilly and Company to recognize outstanding achievements in the fight against depression and the stigma often associated with the illness.

An independent panel of national mental health experts will select honorees in five categories: Lifetime Achievement, for an individual whose perseverance has helped him or her overcome clinical depression and resume a fulfilling life; Destigmatization, for an individual whose noteworthy public efforts have helped promote the understanding of depression and reduce the shame associated with the illness; Community Service, for an individual whose outstanding work has created and improved community programs that foster a supportive, caring environment for those suffering from depression; Primary Care, for a healthcare professional whose unique approach to identifying particular needs in depression diagnosis and treatment serves as an example to others; and Psychiatry, for a psychiatrist who transcends the profession through community work, innovative clinical programs, teaching, new research, outstanding work with patients, or who makes a significant impact on the community or other medical disciplines.

Winners will share a total of $55,000 to be donated to the nonprofit organizations of their choice. Each award recipient and one guest will receive complimentary airfare and accommodations to attend the awards ceremony.

Anyone except Lilly employees may be nominated for a Welcome Back Award. Self-nominations are accepted.  The deadline for nominations is November 9th.  To submit a nomination, click here.

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Did Having A Baby Bring Your Life to A Screeching Halt?

Apparently Kate Kripke crawled inside my brain, watched the internal movie of my life, and then wrote this.  That's the only possible way I can come up with that she could describe the lead up to my postpartum OCD so well.  I bet quite a few of you know what it feels like to stop a speeding Mack truck right about now.

Can We Prevent Postpartum Depression?

What if we could prevent postpartum depression?  I have yet to see a 100% surefire answer on how to do that, but we may be getting closer.  The key seems to be SUPPORTING NEW MOTHERS (!) closely and carefully in the first year. 

Last year, I reported on a study conducted in Canada about the ability of peer support to either prevent or lessen the symptoms of postpartum depression.  The study, conducted by Cindy-Lee Dennis at the University of Toronto, found that having trained volunteer mothers make regular phone calls to moms who have been identified as at-risk for PPD between 2 and 12 weeks postpartum reduced the number of women who developed symptoms requiring medical treatment.

Last week, another study conducted in the UK and published in the journal Psychological Medicine found that regular support from trained workers reduced the incidence of postpartum depression.  New mothers were 30% less likely to develop PPD if they were attended to by a National Health Service health visitor who received specific training on screening for depression and on basic listening and cognitive behavioral therapy techniques.  As reported in the Telegraph:

"The primary role of a health visitor is to check the progress of the new born and give advice on matters like breast feeding. However, they often provide invaluable friendly support for mothers in the months after birth.

Professor Terry Brugha, a psychiatrist at Leicester University, said: 'Up until now, it was thought that depression could only be treated when it is picked up by a GP or health visitor.

'But this study shows that women are less likely to become depressed in the year after childbirth if they are attended by an NHS health visitor who has undergone additional training in specific mental health assessment and in psychological approaches based on either cognitive behavioural or listening techniques.

'Women receiving usual care were significantly more likely to develop depression six months after childbirth.'"

What's more, Science Daily reported that such training was cost effective, even taking into account the costs of that extra training.

In Katherine's dream world of tomorrow, every single OB/GYN will take a complete social and medical history of newly pregnant patients.  He or she will be aware of the variety of risk factors that exist for perinatal mood and anxiety disorders and will ask questions to identify whether a patient has any of them.  Then, at-risk patients will receive specialized education on these illnesses, screenings, and extra attention throughout the first year postpartum from people who have been trained to provide emotional support.  What a lovely world it will be.

Parenting.com's Must Read Moms

Not sure if I shared this with y'all yet (on the Facebook Fan Page, yes, but not here on the blog), but I was squealing with delight recently to learn that Parenting.com lists Postpartum Progress on it's Must-Read Moms List. 

We're in the More Must Reads section, along with the likes of Finslippy, Dooce, Vodka Mom, Girl's Gone Child and Scary Mommy.   Go check out all the blogs and find some great new people to follow.

That's a slice of awesome with cherries on top.

Also, thanks to the Cafe Mom blog The Stir for recommending both PSI and Postpartum Progress as resources for moms with PPD!

 

And Then THIS Happened ...

Wow.  Wow, wow, wow, wow and wow.

What a week.

First, I added an awesome new contributor to PP that people are already enjoying, from the looks of the comments.  Welcome AGAIN, Alexis. 

Then we were able to change an AOL News article that did an extremely poor job of representing postpartum depression.  And get a brief but I believe sincere apology from the AOL News editor.

And now, I hear from the Acting Chief of the Women's Section at NIMH that they have decided to CHANGE (yes, you heard me -- CHANGE!!!!) their website to make it easier to find information on postpartum depression, after reading this.

Ms. Stone: Thanks in large part to your attention to our website and your email of last week, our communications office on 8/17 made several changes:
On the Women and Mental Health page, http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/women-and-mental-health/index.shtml, a link was added below depression for postpartum depression.  The link goes to the text in the Women and Depression booklet on postpartum depression.  It is not a lot of information but hopefully points people in the right direction.  Also on this web page, under Additional Resources a link was added to the postpartum depression page on Medline Plus.

There are plans for additional pertinent features under consideration.  Thank you again for your advocacy and your feedback.

To be completely honest with you, I laid in my bed last night and cried. 

Wow.

Massachusetts PPD Bill Signed Into Law

Massachusetts State Representative Ellen Story's office announced that yesterday Governor Deval Patrick signed House bill 4859 into law.  It is now Chapter 313 of the Acts of 2010.

"This bill’s passage is a milestone for Massachusetts:  our first official recognition that perinatal depressive and anxiety disorders are the most common complication of pregnancy, and demand the attention of our public health system." 

Great, great job to everyone who has worked so hard the last couple of years in Massachusetts to get this done.  If you'd like to read the bill, download this: Download Mass PPD Bill

AOL News Editor Responds to PPD Story

I just took a very long nap (needed one after yesterday) and woke to find this tweet from AOL News editor Mike Nizza:

@postpartumprogr : as editor of @aolnews, I'd like to sincerely thank you and your followers. that's not what we're about, period. #postpartum

Good for him.  Thank you Mike for noticing us, and thank you for recognizing that yesterday's article was not a good representation of AOL News.  I truly appreciate that.  In the future, if you need help getting experts for an article related to perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, just ask us and we'll be happy to help.  That are a lot of great professionals out there.

Questions About PPD Often Induce Shame & Reinforce Stereotypes

Earlier this week, Katherine posted about The Oprah Show’s request for the stories of mothers with PPD. It seemed like a good opportunity to show the world another side of postpartum mood disorders, and I jump at any chance I have to do that. At Oprah’s website, I filled out a form with some personal information, and then had to write a short description of my experience with PPD. It had to be under 2000 characters long, which I found to be quite restrictive, but I made it work. I expected that to be the end of it.

I was surprised when I received an email from an Oprah staffer the next day, asking for more specific information about my PPD story. I was a little shocked, to be honest; I actually questioned the authenticity of the email, but eventually figured that even if it were some random person asking me these personal questions, sharing the information  wouldn’t do any real harm to me or my family.

I started answering the questions in the email, which mostly had to do with the particulars of my diagnosis, and whether or not I was currently undergoing treatment for the disorder. These were easy to answer, as the information is pretty straightforward. 

Then I got to the last few questions, and I read this:

After your child's birth...are you feel empty and sad instead of elated and excited?

And this:

Are you scared you were going to hurt your child or yourself?

These questions rankled a bit, to be honest. Aside from the glaring grammatical errors (which bother me more than I’d like to admit), I found the questions themselves to be indicative of the stereotypes of PPD moms I’ve come to expect from the general public.

I know that the questions were most likely meant to get a broad sense of what PPD is like and I should probably just let it go, but I can’t help myself. I’m bothered, especially in light of the catastrophe that was AOLNews’ coverage of the Duley murders in South Carolina.

It seems that people are intent on pigeonholing PPD as a crazy-making disease, one that turns women into baby haters, baby killers. The truth is, as with any disorder, there are so many shades of postpartum depression, a veritable rainbow of symptoms, circumstances, and treatments, none of which are exactly the same from woman to woman.

One reason I allow myself to be so offended is because it is precisely these types of questions that make women with PPD/A/OCD not want to speak out. Who wants to talk to a virtual stranger about the fact that they could’ve cared less about their child, only moments after said child was out of the birth canal? Not many people would be so bold.

Why is it that the first thing that comes to people’s minds when they hear PPD is “This woman probably doesn’t love her child,” or “This woman is probably going to hurt her child.”? It’s as though all the literature about the range of PPD symptoms simply doesn’t exist--in the eyes of the world, all PPD moms are a danger to themselves or their children. It’s no wonder many women fear speaking out.

There is another layer of offensiveness here, though, and I wrote as much in my email to The Oprah Show. Like I said above, there is a broad spectrum of symptoms associated with PPD, and mine had very little to do with wanting to harm my child. Not only that, but I was completely elated at the birth of my son--it wasn’t until later that I started to manifest symptoms of depression. Why couldn’t the question have just said, “What types of symptoms did you experience during your bout of PPD?” It seems like that courtesy doesn’t extend to people with mental illness--in our society, it’s perfectly acceptable to jump right in and assume every depressed mother wants to kill someone.

I’m not sure what it’s going to take to show the public that postpartum depression is a bonafide illness, and as such, can manifest in many different ways. Am I to feel like my case of PPD was less severe because I never wanted to harm my children? Should the women who did have harmful thoughts be made to feel like worse mothers than those who didn’t? The answer is no, of course, but these things are so easily inferred by the language that is now most commonly used among laypeople who have never experienced a mood disorder.

The response to the AOLNews piece yesterday showed me that the tide might be turning. To see so many women and men up in arms about an issue that is so often swept under the rug was like a gulp of cool water on a hot summer’s day. I pray that this trend continues, and the language changes, so that someday soon, the first thought that comes to mind when we hear about a PPD mom is “I’ll bet she’s a strong woman, to be able to live through that.”

Alexis Lesa

Bloggers & Tweeters Stand Up Against PPD Stigma From AOL News

I am now going to take a moment to thank EACH and EVERY person (that I'm aware of, anyway) who spoke up on behalf of women with postpartum depression and spoke out against the AOL News story today, either on Twitter (by retweeting "Hey @aolnews You suck. And we're not letting you off the hook. Fix this NOW. #AOLhurtsmomswithPPD "), Facebook, or on their blogs, or at the very minimum shared the stories on Postpartum Progress, Her Bad Mother, BlogHer, PhDinParenting and elsewhere with others. 

You are all a true treasure.  It warms my heart to see so many who care about the emotional health of mothers and are willing to use your voices against the stigma that still exists.  It's because of you that AOL took the horrible quote off of its website -- a quote that NEVER should have been published in the first place.  Thank you. 

For anyone who thought I was somehow misreading or misunderstanding the meaning behind Pat Brown's quote, here is her response to Amy at Pretty Babies about the uproar:

"Generally speaking, I don't buy the chemical imbalance theory for any depression; I believe people just don't want to deal with real life issues and the fact that sometimes life is simply depressing and damn difficult. It isn't about chemical imbalance but tough times and our own issues.

Pat Brown
Investigative Criminal Profiler"

AOL should have offered a different opinion, or done some fact checking and perhaps never quoted Pat Brown at all.  PPD is not always caused by chemical imbalance, to be sure.  There are other risk factors that are social in nature, like domestic abuse for instance.  But it's not because moms "don't want to deal with real life issues".  Stuff it, Pat.  And AOL, please take more care in publishing stories on this topic.

Also, may I say that this is why blogging and being on Twitter and Facebook is important.  Because regular people like us have the power to make change.  So awesome.

Also a BIG thank you to BlogHer for giving me such a wonderful additional outlet for this story, as they have so much wider reach than PP does.  And a special thank you to Catherine and Annie, who also have much wider audiences than I, for helping make this viral.

Also a BIG thank you to all the commenters on my post and all the people on the Postpartum Progress Facebook Fan Page who spoke out against this as well.

Also, if you want to see a news organization handle this story with responsibility, stop in on Time magazine's interview with Diane Sanford.  (Perhaps our influence on them last year made a difference!)

Also, Mom 101 commented on my blog today.  Just had to point that out.  ;-)

THANK YOU to:

Catherine Connors, @herbadmother, Her Bad Mother (read her piece on this)

Erika Krull, Psych Central (read her piece on this)

Pretty Babies (read her piece on this, complete with a response from Pat Brown, the woman who was quoted in the AOL article)

Annie, @phdinparenting, PhD in Parenting (read her post on this)

Sara, Urban Moms DIY (read her post on this)

Sarah, @goonsquadsarah, Sara and the Goon Squad

Ceri K., @womenwantwhat

Julia H., @lynchmama

Amber, @atlantamom, Beyond Postpartum (read her post on this)

Joanne, Mixed Bag of Rant

Melissa A., @melissaforpeace

Ninotchka, @ninotchkab, NinotchkaBeavers.com

Denise T., @dtanton, Flamingo House Happenings

Bobbie C., @mymamaruns, My Mama Runs

Lisa, @workoutmommy, Workout Mommy

Julie H., @momslant, The Mom Slant

Jim T., @genuine,

"MommyGeek", @mommygeekology, Mommy Geekology 2.0

Matt, @dcurbandad

Denise, @dtanton

Roxane B., @roxane_bock, Roxane's Days

Brandi Weikle, @bweikle, Parent Central

@anderzoid

Laura F., @lozzi84

Lindsay G., @linzlovesyou, Birdsiviews

Ashlee, @shleemama, Everything About Shlee

Torrie, @torrie, Shifting Life

Corin Zander, @corinzander

Kat, @mrslltkings, Living Like the Kings 

Melissa D., @refashionista, Refashionista

Amy B., @amyrhoda

Ashley H., @ashhan123, Confessions Of a First-Time Mom

Walker K., @allbelly, All Belly Birth Services

A E Summers, @ausummers, Kusali to Pray

Maria, @amotherworld, A Mother World

Sally, @bluekstudio, The Blue Kimono

@barelymommy, Barely Mommy

Alena, @alena29, Charmingly Chandler (read her post on this)

Kimberly M., @momgosomething, All Work & No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something (read her post on this)

Ivy, @ivyshihleung, Ivy's PPD Blog (read her post on this)

Miranda, @notsuperjustmom, Not Super Just Mom (read her post on this)

Lauren H., @unxpctdblessing, My Postpartum Voice (read her post on this)

Sera, @chaoticmama, Laughing Through the Chaos

Andi S., @judgmntlhippy, Confessions of a Judgmental Hippy

Ariel S., @arielsandifer, Nothing Witty

Erica W., @momsurvival, The Survival Guide for Rookie Moms

Schwandy, @schwandy, It's Not Me It's You

Pualani S., @puasaurusrex, Dino Momma

Sidnie, @greenenough4me, Green Enough For Me

Melissa, @PBinmyhair, Peanut Butter In My Hair

Sarah S., @schubie71, Mama Sarahndipity

"Gardenmom", @gardenmom29, Garden Mom

Christina D., @mz_duck

Emily E., @designhermomma, DesignHER Momma

Maria M., @mariamelee, Mommy Melee

Growing Your Baby, @growingyourbaby

Samantha H., @shines

Sam, @temptingmama, Temporarily Me

John Grohol, @docjohng, @psychcentral

Heather H., @skinnysushi, Skinny Sushi

Iva T., @iva_tanackovic

Catherine, @daydreamymama, Daydream Parenting

Jamee, @517butterfly, A New Kind of Normal

@themommymarch, The Mommy March Blog

Greta B., @gretablau, Middle Aged Jock

Victoria M., @veamason, The Mummy Chronicles (she's in LABOR and took the time to use her voice!)

Vinajoy B., @mamavina, A Nourishing Home

Liz, @ehiwv, Perilous Domesticity

Heather, @heada,

A, @thebluemoongirl, One Foot Stuck

Rachel B., @boldrach4x, Not Just A

Lisa C., @lisacurcio, Our Happy Nut House

Aurelia C., @aureliacotta, No Matter How Small

@themommymarch, The Mommy March

@d20Blonde

Kim, @kimworld, The World According to Kim

Tammy P.. @rntammyp, Nurse's Notes

@thefeministbreeder, The Feminist Breeder

Arwyn, @raisingboychick

@rebehonig

@JLYoungsma, The Doe or the Deer

Paig, @vpbaker, Prone to Wander

Tamara, @unexperiencedmom, Blog Conference Newbie

Mandy M., @mandymooreblogr, The Real Mandy Moore

Sara E., @smola04, The Covered Wagon (read her post on this)

Kristen L., @kristenliberty

Joia F., @joiafarmer

Katie F., @kfoutz

Andrea, @goodgirlgonered

Cassaundra B., @radicaLactivist

Adrienne, @nostylepoints, No Points For Style

Kim, @glitterandgray, The Glitter and the Gray

Deb, @misssueburbia, Missives From Suburbia

Kate, @beantownkate

Jen, @theremotejen

Amie B., @zurimama, Izzie and the Beast

Kathy M., @kathyamorelli

Emily, @theEmily_B, Aprons & Heels

Chris, @tessasdad, Stay At Home Dad in Lansing

St. Louis Smart Mama

Lori, @icangrowpeople, I Can Grow People

Katie, @ksluiter, Sluiter Nation

Rachel, Racheous

If I left you out, it's not on purpose.  It's just that my Tweetdeck was a bit overloaded today. And if you wrote a post, I can link directly to it if you send me the link.  Thanks.

Have I said thanks?

AOL News Story Makes Outrageous Comments About Postpartum Depression

How many posts am I going to have to write?  How many letters to the editor are people going to have to send?  How many advocates shouting down the stigma will it take?

AOL News, we have a MAJOR problem.  Since you have the word "news" in your name, one might think you are serious journalists.  Or at the very least, semi-serious journalists.  Now it is clear to me that some of you shouldn't be writing at all.

In your story on the recent murder of two boys in South Carolina you quote an "expert" who I find unbelievably offensive.  I am outraged. 

"Most women who suffer depression after their children are born are suffering from post-how-did-I-get-stuck-with-this-kid, this body, this life? They may be depressed, but it is their situation and their psychopathic personality that brings them to kill their children, and not some chemical malfunction."

PPD is a "crock"?  "Most women who suffer depression after their children are born...?"  What?  Are you serious?  Who the heck are you Pat Brown, and exactly what expertise do you have on postpartum depression?  Based on that comment, you can't possibly know the first thing about it.  You can't possibly know an eighth of the first thing about it.  And AOL?  You're complicit in this spreading this awfulness.  How dare you not check with real experts, or provide a balanced view?  Does the writer of this story, David Lohr, have an editor? 

Honestly, I could throw up. 

Do you know how many women suffer in silence because of bullshit stories like these?   How many women can't reach out for help for a REAL illness because of this kind of ignorance?  I wonder how many new families you have negatively impacted today by this completely mean-spirited and off the mark story. 

First, not every mother who harms her child has PPD, or psychosis for that matter.  Most don't. 

Second, we have no way of knowing why this mother did what she did, except for her own comments. 

And third ...

Third, you suck.  Out loud.

Shame on you.

SHAME ON YOU.

***

Update at 11:15:  So it took about an hour and a half from when this was first posted at 9:43am.  An editor has now removed the quote I cited above, which I assure you did exist, and has added the following statement:

Editors' Note: This story was revised to remove opinions from a criminal profiler about post-partum depression. We'll be updating the story with more background and context on this tragic story later today.

Not enough for me AOL.  I would like an apology to all mothers.

Update at 11:56: Just so I'm making sure I'm not being misunderstood, I'm not commenting on the case of Duley.  What she has admitted to is awful, and I have no idea what led her to it.  What concerns me is that AOL would allow a blanket statement about PPD -- and it was a blanket statement -- that is stigmatizing and uninformed to be made.   Even if this mother committed infanticide in part because she was psychotic or had some other clinical mental illness, that doesn't justify saying that women who have depression after childbirth are just disappointed in their new lives.  It doesn't.

NIMH Responds Regarding Its Web Resources on PPD

Last week I wrote about the National Institute of Mental Health's (NIMH) new website and how I was concerned that the women's section of the site didn't have a clear link or area to information on postpartum depression and related illnesses.  Well, the power of the internet is pretty amazing ... plus the help of a few little birdies in my ear (you know who you are) ...

I heard back from Kathleen O'Leary, Acting Chief of the Women's Program at NIMH.  She shared a bit about what they are doing when it comes to perinatal mood and anxiety disorders:

"Let me assure you that perinatal mental health research is a high priority for NIMH.  In Fiscal Year 2009, NIMH funded over $20 million worth of research studies on postpartum depression, which causes so much pain and distress to mothers and their families.  We continue to call researchers’ attention to this area through our active Program Announcements which let investigators know we are seeking new research proposals on perinatal mental health.  NIMH also funded through our Small Business grants program the original design and implementation of the website www.meded.ppd.org, with which you are probably familiar.   The revamped NIMH website on its Clinical Trials page now lists 'Conditions Specific to Women', which includes studies on postpartum depression which are seeking participants - http://www.nimh.nih.gov/trials/conditions-specific-to-women.shtml ." 

She also shared where you can find PPD info on the NIMH site.  While I still hope in the future that such information becomes easier to find, I truly appreciate the responsiveness of NIMH to consumer concerns. 

The Picture of Happiness After Postpartum Depression

Here's another pic from BlogHer.  I just love these pictures of moms who I know have been in the DEPTHS OF MISERY and are now doing just great.  Can't get enough of pictures like these.

 

(L to R: Allison from O My Family, Ivy from Ivy's PPD Blog, Suzanne from Pretty Swell, Beth Anne from Heir to Blair and me)

P.S.  I want you to know I'm blogging today with my feet up in my office chair because there was a mouse in my house this morning and it's still in here somewhere and I'm freaking out.

How Has Postpartum Depression Changed You?

I like this post from Amber at Beyond Postpartum, who writes about her traumatic childhood, the trauma of postpartum anxiety and how both have left her a changed person.  She wonders aloud whether others have carried something with them from the experience, or have been able to move on and leave PPD behind.  I relate to what Amber wrote, as I suffered childhood trauma as well.  (For that story, and more resources, click here.) 

I feel changed by PPOCD, but at this point primarily in a good way because I feel as though I have more sympathy for others, am more in touch with my emotions and am less judgmental.  And of course it ended up giving me my life's work, which I LOVE. 

At the same time, however, I would have been just fine never EVER knowing that your mind can do things you don't want it to do.  The intrusive thoughts scared the BEJEEZUS out of me and I would prefer never having had to be that scared.  I would have been MORE fine not being cheated out of a wonderful experience with my son when he was an infant.  And I would be happy without the guilt I carry, even though I know I shouldn't, that every single thing that is even mildly wrong with my children is somehow my fault because of PPOCD.  I'm pretty good at managing that guilt, or outright ignoring it when necessary, but it's still there, winking at me with a nasty grin.

All I can do is make the choice to focus on all of the good that has come out of a heinous experience.  I can't live in the guilt zone, or the angry zone, or the disappointed zone.  Or I won't anyway.  Or I try not to on the days when it comes sneaking in trying to derail me. 

My children love me.  My children are happy, healthy and free.  I love them back immeasurably.  I can handle the battle scars in return for that. 

Announcing The New Regular Contributor to Postpartum Progress ...

In the past I've invited a person or two to become a regular contributor here at PP, but so many are already so busy with their own websites and jobs and children and whatnot, which I totally understand.  I figured Postpartum Progress would someday grow beyond just little ole me writing here, but I have to admit I was afraid of trusting someone else with my third baby. (The other two are humans.)  And then I heard from Alexis, and I knew the time had come.  So, meet the wonderful Warrior Mom Alexis Lesa from the blog depressionsandconfessions.  I am so pleased that she is joining me, and will be writing here twice a week to help support women who are suffering or have suffered.  PLEASE welcome her!!!!!

My first son's birth was nothing short of miraculous, just as every birth should be.  The labor was long and intense, and the process wasn't without its frightening moments, but at the end I cradled my baby on my chest and cried tears of wonder.  I had never felt love so transformative; in that moment, I went from Alexis-and-that's-all to Alexis-mom.

In hindsight, I thank God I was able to appreciate that moment of pure love, because the motherhood experience I had ahead of me was anything but miraculous.

The first few weeks of my son's life were par for the parenting course: sleepless nights, endless feedings, and a whole lot of cuddling and staring into my newborn's eyes.  Life was hectic and full of novel experiences, and I felt exuberant, almost manically so.  I stayed up late at night with my son and woke early, yet still found time for lunches with my new-mom friends, frequent walks in the park, and top-to-bottom cleanings of my house.  Several people mentioned I hadn't missed a step after having a baby, and that made me immeasurably proud.

The only thorn in my side was breastfeeding.  My son latched improperly from the get-go, and all the correcting in the world didn't help him until the day he just magically started doing it properly on his own (he takes after his dad with that stubbornness).  By then he was more than a month old, and I'd been through a laundry list of breastfeeding complications.  Every time he nursed had been agony, and I remember weeping disconsolately at the sound of his whimpers in the middle of the night.  I was terrified of a 12-pound lump of mewling babyflesh.

Around the the time he was six weeks old, we'd finally worked out the feeding kinks, but a resentment had set in, one so deep that I didn't even realize it was there.  On the surface I was thrilled with my new life as a mother, but within was a tangled mass of anger, frustration and desperation to return to life as it had been.  The most difficult part of all this was that I was still so in love with my son, but I simultaneously wanted to run screaming:  "confused" doesn't begin to describe my state at the time.

The following five months are a bit of a blur, to be honest.  I know that I was happy in certain ways, but in others I was completely lost.  I loved being a mother, but missed being a woman.  I was running myself ragged, not getting enough sleep and filling my days with activities until I finally got to the point where I never wanted to leave the house at all.

The one thing I do remember very clearly is that my relationship with my husband was just not right.  We'd always had a very solid marriage built on constant communication, but I found myself keeping the feelings of discontent to myself, fearing he'd think me an unfit mother.  In addition, my mood swings were completely out of control -- one moment I'd laugh hysterically, and the next I'd be in a screaming rage, and the next I'd be a sobbing mess.  It was a little frightening, both to me and my husband.

However, I didn't come to the conclusion that something was really wrong with me until the day I hit bottom, which I wrote about at my blog depressionsandconfessions.  I'd always had a big personality, and I attributed the mood swings to that personality being magnified by the stress of motherhood.  But the thoughts of suicide scared me so much that I immediately sought help.

After receiving a PPD diagnosis and seeking treatment, I told my friends and family what was going on in my life and what I was doing about it.  They were all shocked.  Not even one person had suspected that I was suffering, and people said things like, "You don't even seem sad," and that perturbed me to no end.  The people in my life had no idea what postpartum depression could look like.

I thought to myself, What if there are other women like me? What if someone I'm close to is dealing with what I was going through, and I'm completely clueless? What if she's too scared to come forward because their families aren't as understanding as mine has been? I couldn't bear the thought, so I started to blog, hoping I could shed even a little light on PPD.  I have found an online family that supported me through another bout of PPD with my second son, cheered for me when I went back on antidepressants, even if they didn't agree with my methods, and gives me courage to keep on talking about PPD, no matter what the cost.

I felt like I'd hit the jackpot when I received an email from Katherine in April of this year, asking me if I would be willing to write a letter for her Mother's Day Rally for Moms' Mental Health.  I was so honored to speak out for other mothers like me, especially at Postpartum Progress, which I use as a valuable resource.  Then I met Katherine at BlogHer, and I was struck by her grace and openness.

I am so flattered that she agreed to let me write for her site, and I only hope I can contribute something of worth to the awesomeness she has going on here.  My wish is that I'll add yet another voice to the chorus of moms with PPD/PPA/PPOCD/PPP, and that one day we will be so loud that every mother who suffers will hear us and know she's not alone.

Talking With "The Today Show" Moms About Postpartum Depression

At the BlogHer conference in New York City, I had the thrilling opportunity to do an interview with the ladies of Today's Moms, Alicia Ybarbo and Mary Ann Zoellner.  Alicia and Mary Ann are very busy ladies:  they are both moms, producers of "The Today Show" on NBC, and authors of the book "Today's Moms: Essentials for Surviving Baby's First Year". 

I got the chance to have a chat with them about what to do if you have postpartum depression.  So many of the medical websites and TV segments on PPD focus on telling you what the symptoms are, but not what to do or where to go if you have them.  I call it the "Now what?" problem.  I was able to share that there are all sorts of new resources that didn't exist years ago when I had PPOCD, including the Chat with the Experts calls offered by Postpartum Support International, and the PPD Chat on Twitter (and Postpartum Progress!).  I am hoping that our conversation will end up on their website at some point.  It was great to meet them!

In the meantime, here's a quick interview I did at the conference with Yahoo Shine! about reinvention and Postpartum Progress. (I just love the screen shot of PP!)

Live Chat on Postpartum Depression on TheMotherhood.com

On September 29th I will be hosting a live chat on the website The Motherhood.com on the topic of postpartum depression.  The discussion will begin at 1pm Eastern.  You have to be a member of the site to participate, but it's free to join!  I hope you will participate!

Oprah Looking For Moms With PPD

Oprah wants you.

Yes, that Oprah.

The Oprah Show is looking for stories from moms who have or have had postpartum depression. 

Now, let me say that this is, of course, a ridiculously enormous opportunity for any mom to share her story and help others.  If you are currently suffering, though, I just want to make sure you think through putting yourself on national television in your current state.  For some of you, that might be fine.  For others, it's possible you could regret sharing that part of your life so publicly later. 

I have a policy, as do PSI and most advocates of women with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, of not giving out the names of people who are currently suffering because I want to avoid the possibility that they will be exploited.  We are always striving to get the media to show that women recover and go on to be great mothers, rather than their continuous portrayals of women who are at their LOWEST point (not that that is what The Oprah Show plans to do).

So, that said, if you want a chance to be on Oprah -- Yes.  I know.  Oprah! -- then click here.