Postpartum Progress: Postpartum Women Respond to Ignorant Writer

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December 01, 2006

Postpartum Women Respond to Ignorant Writer

Regarding my post yesterday about that insulting woman who wrote a very uninformed piece about postpartum depression, Postpartum Progress reader Sandra Wolf, M.A. LMFT, wrote a great response:

Here is the e-mail I sent this self-righteous you-know-what:

I just read your article and I have to say that I am appalled by your level of ignorance and non-compassion for your fellow women. I am so happy you never experienced postpartum depression. No woman should ever have to experience that and that is precisely why it is extremely important that women be screened for this disease. Yes, Virginia, it is indeed a disease. I was absolutely overjoyed and over the moon when I discovered I was pregnant with my son. But, not once did my OB/GYN during my pregnancy ask me how my mood was (which, looking back was mildly depressed throughout the pregnancy despite my initial elation at discovering I was pregnant), or ask me if I had a history of previous depression, or ask me if I have a familial history of depression. If she had, then I could have been notified I was in a high-risk group for developing postpartum depression. After the birth, I knew something did not feel right. And despite my trying to tell people something was wro ng, I was dismissed and told it was just the "baby blues", even after the initial 2 week period when "baby blues" should have subsided. I didn't tell ANYONE about the thoughts I had of harming my baby, even though I knew in my heart I would never do it...that is the defining difference by the way between a mother experiencing psychosis who will likely kill her infant when having such thoughts and a mother who simply has OCD and depression and is appalled and terrified of having such thoughts. I didn't tell anyone precisely because I was frightened someone would take my child away from me and my husband. Had I could have been assured that I would have been helped rather than judged negatively or harshly or labeled as "evil", I would have spoken up and therefore not have had to suffer for as long as I did (6 months before I finally sought help). That is why I think it is extremely important for women to be screened and specifically asked about possible symptoms of this disorder. If you don't have it, which fortunately, the majority of women do not, great for you! However, if you fall within the 10-20% of women who do experience such symptoms, then you should not have to worry about others trying to silence you due to their fear and ignorance. This disorder is VERY TREATABLE. There is MORE THAN ONE successful means of treatment and each woman should decide with a professional upon the level of treatment that will work best for her. Not everyone needs medication, but for those who do, then so be it if it means a WELL mother! If you are such a proponent of motherhood and children, then you should realize a WELL mother is what is best for a child, not a mother suffering in silence, afraid to speak up about her experience for fear of being chastised by women like you! As for your tirade about breastfeeding being the best "medicine", that is not always the case. I breastfed my son for 13 months, and y et, I STILL suffered from postpartum depression! And no, the mental health profession is not seeking to "brainwash" people as you suggest...I am a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, and not ONCE did it occur to me that I was suffering from postpartum depression, though I did know something felt terribly wrong and not right. I didn't realize this is what I was suffering from because no Dr. bothered to screen me for it and it wasn't taught when I was in graduate school. I would come home and cry after spending an afternoon with my best friend who would state to me that her son was "the joy of her life". I cried from the depths of my soul because I so DESPERATELY wanted to feel that for my son, but I didn't and I couldn't understand why or what was wrong with me. Lucky for me, once I sought therapy and became well again, I have subsequently discovered what that feeling is like as I can now say assuredly that my son IS the joy and love of my life! Unfortunately, this disorder ROBBED me from feeling that for most of the first year of his life and I ache thinking I can never go back and change that for him. But now, after having received treatment, I can feel assured that he knows what it feels like to have a WELL mohter now who takes pride in being his Mama! But, when I was experiencing this disorder, I never dared say a word for fear of coming across people with small, judgemental minds like yourself. Shame on you!...You seem to tout yourself as a Christian....aren't Christians supposed to feel compassion for others, even when their experiences are not the same as yours or fall along your way of thinking??!!! At least that was what I was taught growing up in a religious school for 12 years!

Sandra

Posted by Katherine Stone/Postpartum Progress at 03:29 PM in Perinatal Mood & Anxiety Disorders, Postpartum Depression, Stigma | Permalink

Technorati Tags: perinatal mood disorders, postpartum depression, stigma

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Regarding my post yesterday about that insulting woman who wrote a very uninformed piece about postpartum depression, Postpartum Progress reader Sandra Wolf, M.A. LMFT, wrote a great response:

Here is the e-mail I sent this self-righteous you-know-what:

I just read your article and I have to say that I am appalled by your level of ignorance and non-compassion for your fellow women. I am so happy you never experienced postpartum depression. No woman should ever have to experience that and that is precisely why it is extremely important that women be screened for this disease. Yes, Virginia, it is indeed a disease. I was absolutely overjoyed and over the moon when I discovered I was pregnant with my son. But, not once did my OB/GYN during my pregnancy ask me how my mood was (which, looking back was mildly depressed throughout the pregnancy despite my initial elation at discovering I was pregnant), or ask me if I had a history of previous depression, or ask me if I have a familial history of depression. If she had, then I could have been notified I was in a high-risk group for developing postpartum depression. After the birth, I knew something did not feel right. And despite my trying to tell people something was wro ng, I was dismissed and told it was just the "baby blues", even after the initial 2 week period when "baby blues" should have subsided. I didn't tell ANYONE about the thoughts I had of harming my baby, even though I knew in my heart I would never do it...that is the defining difference by the way between a mother experiencing psychosis who will likely kill her infant when having such thoughts and a mother who simply has OCD and depression and is appalled and terrified of having such thoughts. I didn't tell anyone precisely because I was frightened someone would take my child away from me and my husband. Had I could have been assured that I would have been helped rather than judged negatively or harshly or labeled as "evil", I would have spoken up and therefore not have had to suffer for as long as I did (6 months before I finally sought help). That is why I think it is extremely important for women to be screened and specifically asked about possible symptoms of this disorder. If you don't have it, which fortunately, the majority of women do not, great for you! However, if you fall within the 10-20% of women who do experience such symptoms, then you should not have to worry about others trying to silence you due to their fear and ignorance. This disorder is VERY TREATABLE. There is MORE THAN ONE successful means of treatment and each woman should decide with a professional upon the level of treatment that will work best for her. Not everyone needs medication, but for those who do, then so be it if it means a WELL mother! If you are such a proponent of motherhood and children, then you should realize a WELL mother is what is best for a child, not a mother suffering in silence, afraid to speak up about her experience for fear of being chastised by women like you! As for your tirade about breastfeeding being the best "medicine", that is not always the case. I breastfed my son for 13 months, and y et, I STILL suffered from postpartum depression! And no, the mental health profession is not seeking to "brainwash" people as you suggest...I am a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, and not ONCE did it occur to me that I was suffering from postpartum depression, though I did know something felt terribly wrong and not right. I didn't realize this is what I was suffering from because no Dr. bothered to screen me for it and it wasn't taught when I was in graduate school. I would come home and cry after spending an afternoon with my best friend who would state to me that her son was "the joy of her life". I cried from the depths of my soul because I so DESPERATELY wanted to feel that for my son, but I didn't and I couldn't understand why or what was wrong with me. Lucky for me, once I sought therapy and became well again, I have subsequently discovered what that feeling is like as I can now say assuredly that my son IS the joy and love of my life! Unfortunately, this disorder ROBBED me from feeling that for most of the first year of his life and I ache thinking I can never go back and change that for him. But now, after having received treatment, I can feel assured that he knows what it feels like to have a WELL mohter now who takes pride in being his Mama! But, when I was experiencing this disorder, I never dared say a word for fear of coming across people with small, judgemental minds like yourself. Shame on you!...You seem to tout yourself as a Christian....aren't Christians supposed to feel compassion for others, even when their experiences are not the same as yours or fall along your way of thinking??!!! At least that was what I was taught growing up in a religious school for 12 years!

Sandra